Eavesdropping Can be Dangerous
by HugsandBugsSmileyface
Summary: "Dammit, Sam, it doesn't bend that way, so don't try to bend it! You'll end up hurting us both if it breaks!" Freddie screamed. Mrs. Benson pressed her ear closer and closer to the door. What on earth were they doing? T for sexual innuendo. SEDDIE!


A/N: Set season 1-2. Freddie's a little shorty in this season!

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

It was a well-known fact that Freddie was a smart boy. Hell, he was very smart. He prided himself on being the best in technology. No one could ever compare to his genius. No one. Well, except for Sam. Sam Puckett was not book-smart. No, not that. She was street-smart, which, still technically, counted at smart. So, when comparing Freddie's knowledge of books with Sam's knowledge of street, they were both pretty equally matched. Sam was...different than most girls her age, this was certain. Sam was more intelligent in street, which could come in handy during one of her fights, more athletic, and more aesthetically appealing than most other girls, though you could never tell by looking at her raggy boy clothes she always wore. She was also tall.

Well, taller than Freddie.

But not by much...just a little. So when Freddie found himself too vertically challenged to handle hanging his new shower curtain on the rod and replacing his shower head, Freddie called Sam for help. Of course, he could have always gotten a chair to stand on, but Freddie was not common-sense smart. I'm not saying that he is dumb. No, not whatsoever. Ask him to take a test on Electronics, sure, he could ace that; however, when it came to the obvious, Freddie wouldn't realize it if it smacked him in the face, and that was where Sam excelled.

"Okay, Freddumb, where is your curtain?" was the greeting Sam gave him as she crossed the threshold of Freddie's dwelling.

"Here," Freddie said, shoving a box in Sam's hands.

"You haven't even opened it yet?" Sam asked, staring at Freddie.

"No. I knew from looking at it that I'd need your help." he said.

Sam pulled the curtain out of the box.

"So can you help me or what?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah sure," Sam said, "show me to your bathroom."

Freddie did just that, locking the door behind them.

"Why did you lock the door?" inquired Sam.

"Oh, um...I didn't want anyone to come in and disturb us. It takes...you know...concentration...to put up a...Oh look, a distraction!" Freddie pointed to the opposite wall.

Sam turned to look. "I don't see anything." she commented.

"Hm. Must've been my imagination." Freddie commented.

"Let's hurry and get this over with, Freddweeb. I have to meet Carly at 5:00." Sam said.

"Alright I guess. Oh, yeah. I forgot that Carly was coming home today. Did she have a good time in Yakima?" Freddie asked.

Sam shrugged, not really caring what Freddie had to say.

"I don't even know why I'm bothering to help you, y'dork." she muttered.

It was at that time Mrs. Benson decided to make herself known. She had searched the house for Freddie and had come up short. The only places left was either the bathroom or the living room, and she had jsut come from there. So she knew she had guessed correctly when she heard Freddie's voice coming from the bathroom. What she didn't expect to hear was Sam Puckett's voice as well. Marissa Benson knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but she just couldn't help herself. She was a naturally curious person. Marissa pressed her ear against the door in an attempt to hear them better.

"Dammit, Sam, it doesn't bend that way, so don't try to bend it! You'll end up hurting us both if it breaks!" Freddie screamed.

"Sorry, Freddork. I guess I just got carried away there. Doing new things excite me, is all."

"You've never done this before? Seriously?"

"Hey, don't make fun of me! This is my first time doing this with another person. Usually I'm by myself, failing miserably, I might add, and have to resort to using the internet for help!" Sam said.

"Couldn't you get your mom to help you?" Freddie asked.

"Gross, Freddie! My mom? She doesn't do shit but drink all day!"

"Sam...I promise I'm not making fun of you. I'm just shocked, is all." Freddie replied. "Usually people have done this at least once in their life."

"Yeah well ususally my mom's boyfriend of the week is doing everything for us. Both of us couldn't do much until he came."

"..." Marissa went.

"Okay. So what's next?" Freddie asked.

"Well, take out the head." Sam instructed.

"...Okay...I'm too short. You do it."

"...Okay. It's out." Sam said.

"Now what do I do with it?" Freddie asked.

"What do you think?" Sam asked.

I'll just...yeah. Okay." Freddie said.

A thump was heard.

"Dude! That's ENORMOUS!" Sam exclaimed.

"..." Was all Mrs. Benson could say.

"Well, put it in already." Sam said calmly.

"Alright. Where's the thingy?"

"What thingy?"

"The one we need to use for protection..."

"Yeah. That's not vague at all."

"You know what I mean...and we'll need something to keep it on." Freddie said.

"Oh...I laid it on the counter!" Sam told him.

"K. Let's just...slide it on, and in..."

"K."

"Ow. Freddie...not there!"

"Sorry. I didn't know you were there. It got in my way."

"And...Voila!" Freddie said.

"...There. Not bad, Sam.."

"Yeah. We make a pretty good team" Freddie replied.

"Alright, let's get out of here. I'm hungry." Sam said.

"Already? You just ate."

"Yeah...I know. But I promised Carly that Spencer and I would take her to Petrozinni's tonight, so..."

"Oh. Okay. Yeah. Here. I'll unlock the door." Freddie replied.

A click was heard, unlocking the door. As the two young teens exited the bathroom, they felt the door thump against something hard. They looked down to see what had obstructed their passage, only to see Mrs. Benson, passed out fainted on the floor.

"...Mom?" Freddie asked, poking her with his foot.

"She dead?" Sam asked.

"No, just passed out..."

"What about her? What do we do?" Sam asked.

Freddie shrugged.

"She'll be okay. I'm going to go to the Groovy Smoothie and get a smoothie. Want one, Puckett?" he asked.

Sam nodded, following him. "Lead the way, tech boy."

A/N: Lol. REVIEW!


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